Chapter XXIV: PhotoEssay: January

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I guess my Philosophy 230 professor didn't get the memo; she inexplicably gave me an F for turning in a picture of scrambled eggs instead of an 500 word essay about Descarte's Evil Genius Hypothesis. Maybe her reasoning is that I turned in 500 words too many?

Anyway, it's been almost exactly a month now that I've had a digital camera (actually the first camera of any type that I've ever owned) and it didn't come with a manual or anything, so I had to figure it out intuitively, sort of like if you give a gorilla a fog horn. He sort of pokes at it and tries to eat it and then it lets out an earsplitting noise and he drops it and grunts at it menacingly and then tries to eat it again. That was basically me with the camera.

The following is an abbreviated documentary of my first month interacting with the strange beast known as Sony Cybersot 3.2 Megapixels.


This was the very first picture I took, during a slow moment in my evening. I wasn't aiming at anything, but appear to have captured the corner of my monitor.


For my second photographic tour de force, I turned on the lights. Two face down playing cards in the foreground lend an air of mystery. What rank and suit are those cards, you wonder to yourself.



The title of this work is Instant Trevi, Just Add Nymphs. For some reason, the pile of unwashed dishes reminded me on the Trevi Fountain, where nymphs frolic on a gigantic travertine base (65 feet long), carved to look like natural rock.



Stuffed bear. Blogger does wierd things when you upload .png files and usually I would try this again, but I think the creepy eyes are more interesting than the original photograph.


My state provided illumination device. It works by sucking in the darkness when you turn it on.












Tree #1.










If I'm not at home, I'm probably here, the Architecture Building. That sounds like it should be funny for some reason. The Architecture...Building. Besides exemplifying the New Brutalist movement in architecture, the prolific use of concrete steps and austere metal railings inadvertently created a skateboard Mecca. Security cameras were installed to ward off delinquent highschoolers who sneak in on the weekends.



A triptych of bulletin boards.










Cerro Vista (my apartment complex) in the late afternoon. That blue column near the center has a giant button on which you are supposed to run to and press if you are being chased up the steps by a rapist. There would probably be about 120 people watching from the windows, but none of them are going to call the cops. Remember Kitty Genovese.



Much like Cristo and Jeanne Claude's The Gates in Central Park, all that remains of Darron's inflatable chair magnum opus is photographic evidence. They began peeling off the wall about three hours after they were installed. Plan B is to wait for a rainy day and use them to slide down a muddy hill.



Tree #2.









Quinn and Brian, fresh from Wal-Mart and installed in their spacious new home. Yes, those are poker chips on the bottom; I wasn't going to pay $6.99 for a bag of pebbles.


Darron attempts to terrorize Quinn, but Quinn, busy looking for food, is unaffected.





Darron attempts to terrorize Quinn, but Quinn, busy looking for food, is unaffected.




Boy With Glasses and Protruding Tongue. Alternatively known as Self Portrait #1.








The new fish abode, complete with filter, air pump, and pebbles. The fishbowl is visible in the bottom left for comparison.



Quinn the human.











Quinn the fish. Note the startlingly similar expressions
exhibited by each Quinn upon being photographed.



Brian the human, who has a similar coloration as Brian the fish. However, Brian the fish does not share his namesake's predilection for alcohol-induced vomitting fests, the aftermath of which we are witnessing here.



Origami is not appreciated in this apartment.











This was my second time ever making scrambled eggs. They don't look so good close up.





Brian, on a better day.













Darron, after being fed.











Quinn and Brian visit Paris. Afterwards, Quinn gets lost in the cup for about half an hour.






Concept model of an abstract corner construction consisting of cardboard rectangles suspended by straws, suspended by strings, suspended by brads in the sides. Red ink is used to add a splash of color.

The real thing will use wood, PVC pipe, steel rope, bolts, and liquid latex.

The end! Each of the photographs above stands for about 50 photographs of the same thing. I guess it's a little late to say this, but there won't be any goat porn in this chapter. Sorry to dissappoint you all.

In other news, there won't be an Image of the Day today.