Chapter CXIII: Go Fish*

One fishbowl: Three dollars and seventy-four cents.

One bottle of Aqua Safe: Two dollars and eighty-eight cents.

One cannister of fishfood: Eighty-eight cents.

One potted plant: Three dollars and ninety-four cents.

One Black Moor and one Golden Fantail: Three dollars and seventy-six cents.

Holding supreme power over two fragile lives...PRICELESS.

I'm using the definition of 'priceless' that means 'fifteen dollars and twenty cents.' It's number 93 in the Oxford English Dictionary. Look it up.

*This post was originally written on 26 January 2006, and saved as a draft (not published). The two fish in question, named Quinn and Brian--after my roommates at the time--both perished in April 2006.

Chapter CXII: Reflections on a Rock

Beach detritus. Refugio, CA.

"Refugio State Beach 1 mi." I'd seen that rusty green sign a hundred times over the last three years, passing it every few weeks on the five hour trek to Orange County. It had never meant anything to me, just another off-ramp to nowhere that I'd never take.

This time, I was driving home after tying up some loose ends in San Luis Obispo, and snipping off others. Conceivably, I would never drive up this patch of road again. On a sudden whim, I pulled off the 101 and into a dusty lot.

The beach was utterly deserted, and the crashing of the waves oddly recalled the ebb and flow of traffic on the distant freeway. I walked on the beach for about an hour, my cheap digital camera snapping away. I thought about my life, how I'm satisfied with its direction, yet wondering all the same if I could have been happier.

There were so many off-ramps I passed over and over again, but never took.

Chapter CXI: The Battle For Charlie's Lungs

"I knew I shouldn't have gone out today," he says.

"We went to Target to buy water! That doesn't count as going out!" I reply incredulously.

"I foretold this. I knew I'd go buy cigarettes if I left the house," he explains. "And I was going to try quitting today, too."

The bump-bump of the tires going over the curb punctuates this statement, as if the universe is saying, 'Yeah, right.'

"Charlie, that's stupidest thing I've ever heard. If you can't drive past 7-11 without buying cigarettes, how do you expect to stop smoking! C'mon, let's just go home," I say. "Is it really that hard to quit?"

"Yes. And if you ever start smoking, I'll fucking kill you."

I grasp for an eloquent way to express myself, but it's like trying to catch a football (I have never done this successfully). We pull into a parking spot. So I just say it.

"I just don't want you to die of lung cancer, because I'll feel like it's my fault for not doing more to stop you."

"You don't understand, Jerry. There's nothing anyone can do to stop someone from smoking, so there's no reason to feel bad," he throws back.

"What is it, like the Dark Side or something?" I mutter after he gets out of the car.

Is it a strange role reversal. Charlie was supposed to be the protective one, not me. Growing up together in a tensely dysfunctional family, my older brother by five years had been my best friend and constant guide. He gave me piggy back rides simulating the Death Star trench run, and once risked life and limb to pull me out the path of a van backing out of a driveway while I was obliviously playing with worms in the gutter.

The sudden thump of car doors unlocking interrupts my reverie. Charlie's back already? He must have been gone less than half a minute.

Certainly too little time to buy a pack of cigarettes. I smile.

"Why'd you changed your mind?" I ask, when he opens the door.

"Um, can you hand me my wallet?"

Chapter CX: Cross Section of a Saturday Afternoon

the radio sings to me, hears the end of the world

between the stabs of needles and powder,
I have set sail on a river paved south
riding down a little notebook life
of ambiguity and fog.

flying down interstate five, I leave my life
to the ice pick tongues of dead men,
packs and bags, deadweights and deadwants,
crumbling into a sea of diamonds

and blinking out like last year’s christmas bulbs

remember:

write me a letter sometime
when I’m in that cubicle of infinity,
that desert life of dry tongues
and powdered words,

when I’ve become an afterthought
a home lost in the hills
of ambiguity and fog.

the radio sings to me,

catch me, oh spiral arm of galaxy.

- my brother

Chapter CIX: I Hate This Quiz

1. First Name? Jerry.
2. Were you named after anyone? No. Asian parents name their children arbitrarily.
3. Do you wish on stars? Srsly, what the fuck kind of question is that?
4. When did you last cry? I don't remember.
5. Do you like your handwriting? Likeable handwriting is the first casualty of an Architecture education.
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? You said meat.
7. What is your birth date? 5 November 1986
8. What is your most embarrassing CD? Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2 soundtrack. TBF, it was packaged with the game.
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? If I were another person, *I* wouldn't exist, so it would be impossible to be friends with *me.* I hate this quiz.
11. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? No one tells me anything.
12. Do looks matter? Of course. Hence the design industry.
13. How do you release anger? Self-destruction.
14. Where is your second home? My summer residence is on the Spanish Riviera.
15. Do you trust others easily? Stupid question.
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? My tricycle.
17. What class in high school do you think was totally stupid? 9th grade English.
18. Do you have a journal? I have one of those new-fangled "blogs." It's kind of like a journal, but I write it on the "Intarwebs" instead of on paper.
19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? No.
22. What are your nicknames? Jerry.
23. Would you bungee jump? No, I would not fuck your mother.
24. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Yes, otherwise I can't take them off. Isn't that what shoelaces are for? I hate this quiz.
25. Do you think that you are strong? Why is this question qualified with whether I "think" I'm strong?
26. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Vanilla with pokies and fudge.
28. Shoe Size? 7.5
29. Red or pink? Red is my favorite color. Pink comes in at 4th.
30. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My hair. Yes, I'm shallow. I'll deal with that after I fix my hair.
31. Who do you miss most? Hmm...sigh. I don't want to think about it.
32. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? I will not be inflicting this upon anyone else.
33. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Stupid question. Who the fuck cares?
34. What are you listening to right now? Someone is mowing his lawn outside my window.
35. Last thing you ate? Tuna, from the can, with hot sauce.
36. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Communist Red.
37. What is the weather like right now? Stupid question.
38. Last person you talked to on the phone? The Office of Academic Records.
39. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? That she is of the opposite sex.
40. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Sure.
42. Favorite Drink? Water.
43. Favorite Sport? Butt sex. I hate this quiz.
44. Hair Color? Brown, but my roots are showing.
45. Eye Color? Brown.
46. Do you wear contacts? No.
48. Favorite Food? French fries and ice cream...together.
49. Last Movie You Watched? Music and Lyrics. C-
50. Favorite Day Of The Year? Year - noun - a period of 365 disappointments.
51. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? When did you start capitalizing every word in the question? I'll take the "happy ending."
52. Summer Or Winter? Autumn.
53. Hugs OR Kisses? Butt sex. I hate this quiz.
55. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Butt sex. I hate this quiz.
56. Who Is Most Likely To Respond? N/A. cf. 32
57. Who Is Least Likely To Respond? N/A. cf. 32
58. Living Arrangements? Yes, I am living. But it is not arranged.
59. What Books Are You Reading? If Nobody Speaks of Remarkable Things, Generation X, Sputnik Sweetheart.
60. What's On Your Mouse Pad? My mouse.
62. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? Jeopardy, half of Wheel of Fortune, Newshour.
63. Favorite Smells? Chanel no. 666
64. Favorite Sounds? Silence.
65. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Eeny meeny miny...Beatles.
66. What's the furthest you've been from home? Italy.
67. Do you have a special talent? No. I hate this quiz.