Chapter V: Bump Screeech

After all these years, I did it at last. I have a license. I can finally drive. Fine, it's not that exciting, but I often thought it would never happen. In fact, up until the moment the examiner said, "Okay, you passed," I sincerely thought that I had failed...miserably...and indeed, I came within a hair.

Now that it's over, the whole day seems kind of funny, but it wasn't at the time.

Let's rewind to a scene that took place at 7:50 AM this morning, in my mom's black Toyota Avalon:

-----
"Just shut up Mom, you aren't helping. I'm trying to find it."

"WHERE IS IT?! WHY DID YOU LOSE IT! YOU'RE SO STUPID!"

"SHUT UP, MOM! Are you SURE it's not in the glove compartment?"

"NO, IT'S NOT THERE!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!! YOUR APPOINTMENT IS IN TEN MINUTES!!!! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS?! I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I didn't do it on FUCKING PURPOSE, Mom! I thought they were all together!"

"FUCKING! FUCKING! NO WONDER YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS, YOU TALK LIKE THAT!!"

"JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP, MOM!!!"
-----

Heartwarming, yes? That's not an exact transcription, since everything my mom said was in Chinese--one of the more annoying languages to have screamed at you from two feet away. The case item was a DMV document filled out by my optometrist certifying that I can see well enough to drive (required since I am legally blind in my left eye).

It was never found, and I drove to the DMV without it, to make my 8:00 AM appointment. Rattled by the morning's events, I ran a red light, as well as made a left turn into the wrong lane on the way. This was inauspicious.

Inside the DMV, they just took my permit and never asked for the eye form, since I guess most people don't need it. This was Miracle #1.

After that, it took about half an hour for an examiner to get to me. He was hirsute and could have been mistaken for a homeless drunk, if it were not for the DMV badge hanging around his neck, and the clipboard in his hand.

I thought I was doing fine until he told me to reverse parallel to the curb, which was on a hill. I had never practiced this, and wasn't sure what he meant, but I had read about parking on hills, so I got my back tires to gently touch the curb. He indicated that I should continue reversing, but there wasn't anywhere to go since I was already as far as I could go. This fact was made abundantly clear by the BUMP SCREEECH noise of my back tire grinding into the curb. I had to go into drive and then do it again. I'm pretty sure what I did qualified as "Striking object/curb" which is a "CRITICAL ERROR" and should have resulted in an instant fail. Apparently, it did not. This was Miracle #2.

I heard him sigh, and thought that I had definitely failed, and he was just going to wait until we returned to the DMV to tell me. It was thus with great approbation that I pulled into the parking lot. Oops, I mean apprehension. Anyway, so I parked and he said "Okay, you passed" and left without another word. Here is the top part of my score sheet:



Yep, one more error and I would have failed. This was Miracle #3 (that my examiner was kind and/or not observant).

So yes, I have a license now. So much more freedom, but all I can think about is never having to step foot in the goddamn DMV again.

That's all folks.