Chapter XXXV: Bullshit Theory

All college students are aware of the delicate art and science of Bullshit. Indeed, some are hyperaware, and may count themselves among the elevated ranks of 'Bullshit Buccaneers' as defined on urbandictionary.com. Incidentally, urbandictionary.com was originated by Cal Poly alumni.

A mere underclassman as myself would not presume to Buccaneer status, but I would like to submit for the inspection of my peers and betters certain observations on one aspect of Bullshit Theory--inflating the word count.

One effective way to inflate word count in an essay is to use humor in the introduction, because that paragraph has the least real content and does not require any research to write. Also, one must realize that a professor is probably very bored after reading several papers on the exact same topic, so will not notice that the introduction has been artificially inflated--if you hide it behind style. Ideally of course, word count inflation should not be necessary. In a perfect world, you would have so much information as a result of your thorough research over the previous weeks that the problem is too many words rather than too few. Alas, we do not live in that world, so there I am, ten minutes before class, and staring at an essay (written in the previous hour) that is 150 words too short. The solution? Jam-pack the introduction with loads of glorious bullpoo. To wit:

Mother Russia: An Overview of Gender Inequality in the Post-Soviet Era
Two images coalesce immediately when I think of the term “Russian woman.” The first is referenced in the title—that of ‘Mother Russia,’ the squat, practical, gruffly affectionate matron whose role is at home, baking latkes for the babushkas. The second image, of course, is that of svelte Russian spy/assassin whose expertise is seducing Western intelligence operatives and extracting state secrets from them. Though disparate, both of these conceptions arrive via Hollywood—Enemy at the Gates, and Goldeneye, respectively. However, most women in modern Russia do not fit into either of these stereotypes, but must engage the exigencies of modern life (few of which make it to the movie screen). Broadly speaking, the status of women in Russia, vis-à-vis men, will be discussed in terms of the Soviet Era and how it has evolved in the Post-Soviet Era. In particular, economic, political, and domestic issues will be analyzed, and we shall see that the difficulties facing Russian women in these areas are highly interconnected.

175 words to contain 32 words of actual information. I am a genius.