Chapter LXXIII: So to Speak

Blogging...is such an ugly word. It sounds like a contraction of blah and logging, as if it were some kind of unexciting environmental destruction. It occurred to me while I was flipping through the course catalog that a much more respectable term would be "Creative Nonfiction," defined as the inclusion of literary elements in mostly nonfiction writing.

I think I satisfy that definition. Was it not a glorious use of simile when I likened specks of cereal dust in my milk to the frozen bodies floating aimlessly about in Titanic? Was it not a sublime example of extended metaphor when I framed the experience of drinking a glass of juice as a safari? Of course it was! So if I ever fill out a scholarship application, I will confidently write "Creative Nonfiction" in the extracurricular interests section, instead of blah-gging.

But why stop there? Poker sounds seedy also. How about "Applied Statistics?" Yes, that has a nice ring. Going to the gym can be "Applied Kinesiology," or--even better--"Kinesiology Practicum" (Latin = smart, and deserving of scholarships). I don't steal things, I enjoy "Random Acquisition." I don't spend all day on the Internet downloading porn, but I am interested in "Wide-Area Networks Insofar As They Facilitate The Proliferation Of Human Anatomical Imagery."

After all, I'm not lying--just rephrasing things so that they sound nicer. I suppose the best way to describe it would be...creative nonfiction.