Chapter LXIII: Technicolor Bedset

Image of the Day: My New Sheets and Pillow Case

The most annoying feeling in the universe is when the bedsheets slide around and crumple up and maybe even come off of the bed in the middle of the night.

I suffered through this for a whole year, and blame it for the C- I got in English 134. The stupid sheet shifting made me sleep fitfully and I didn't wake up in time to turn in an essay that was 15% of my grade. It was a kick-ass essay too, about people starving to death in the snow.

After that, I disposed of the sheets altogether, and slept directly on the state provided mattress. This was reasonably comfortable, until I threw up all over the bed one night, and it always smelled just a little bit funny after that, in spite of (or was it because of?) all the Febreeze I sprayed.

Anyway, I learnt about a miraculous new product, utterly simple in its conception, but at the same time a consummate improvement over existing technologies. I thought to myself, only NASA could have thought of something so clever, these must be a spin-off of space program--like velcro and duct tape.

They are called "fitted" bedsheets, and are just like normal bedsheets, except that they have a band of high-quality elastic running around the edge, so once you snap it onto your bed, it stays tight and never ever comes off!

I started drooling immediately upon hearing of this gift from Prometheus and dashed to Target so as to procure some immediately, before they were all snatched up. There were aisles upon aisles of bedding to be perused, and I went up and down them all, muttering to myself. We wants them, we wants our precioussss...

To my dismay, although Target had 20 choices for twin-sized unfitted sheets, and 10 choices for fitted sheets, queen sized, there was only ONE twin-sized fitted, and they were HIDEOUS. But I guess you already know that, since the picture is at the top of the post. Seriously, they almost look radioactive. It goes to show what mindset I was in that I got them anyway. At least they came with a couple pillow cases.

According to the packaging, these are "designer" sheets, sold exclusively at Target. I guess "designer" is the new word for "ugly." But whatever, they're fitted and they don't slide and it's 4:36 AM. Nighty!